One Subject: Bisexuality. 

This series focuses on different points of views and experiences. 

No one was aware of the others replies, giving varied and unbiased diversity in the answers. 

The focus was on Bisexual people this time as we asked the below question(s)

How bi visible are you? 


Do you find your chosen partner defines people’s perception of you? 

Do you feel this is an issue with bi activism and how can you as an individual help to increase visibility for all?

@tom_weise 

I do my best to support the fight against “biphobia” and people’s dismissal of bisexuality. I’ve written several articles on the matter, and try to help people understand when I speak to them in person about the subject. It can be challenging at times, but I persevere because it’s important to me, and to every other person that identifies as bisexual in the world.

Unfortunately, I do feel that your choice of partner defines people’s perception of yourself as a bisexual. After having a boyfriend I’ve mentioned to several friends that I am looking for a girlfriend now, and they laugh it off thinking it’s a joke. It’s distressing because it makes me feel like people are just brushing off who I am, and not giving me any support when they say “you’re too gay to get a girlfriend”. Yikes.

I believe that there is a lot of bi-activism from multiple sources (including celebrities). However, it may be the case that the general population don’t have “exposure” to someone who identifies as “bisexual”. They may have openly gay and lesbian friends, but no openly bisexual ones. Because they don’t have the daily interactions with someone who is bisexual, it would be hard to understand what it is like for them in the LGBT+ Community. The same can be said for anyone under the Rainbow Flag. If people don’t have these interactions then they can be dismissive and show limited understanding.

This is why bi visibility is important. When people ask, I tell them I’m bisexual, and I make a point of saying that it isn’t straight and it isn’t gay. It’s important to be the person you’re happy with, and if you’re happy as a bisexual, then don’t be ashamed of who you are. People can be understanding, it just requires a “breakdown of the stigma”.

@bartolomeo_lisa

There are different sub sets of bisexuality; on some level, I think I was always open to the possibility of spending my life with the person who made me all around happiest – the person who completed me; and I don’t remember ever defining them as male or female.

I never really thought or felt that it had to be one or the other; While I never officially “came out”, mainly because I didn’t feel I had to, I have never hidden the fact from anyone. Also being Trans has, for some reason, caused more people to question my orientation; I have tried to keep that knowledge on a need-to-know basis. I find women are more accepting; more open – I tend to feel safer opening up to them; and you can’t have a relationship with someone without honesty; but, who knows what the future holds.

I think the biggest misconception people have about bisexuality is that it is somehow akin to nymphomania; that we are all sex-crazed and want to hop into bed with everyone. I would like people to realize that while this may be true of a few individuals, (just like in every other orientation) mostly we are just people who see an individual, for the sum of all their parts – not just physical parts; that we fall for them as who they are, not just for how we want them sexually.

Anonymous 

I’m a victim of the 90s where sexuality wasn’t discussed as it was still a seedy topic. I’d describe my bivisiblity as the cloaking cape in Harry Potter – I’m not ashamed, and will tell anyone who asks, but until they ask, I’m not going to walk around with a badge saying ‘look at the bisexual’.

I feel on the outside my relationship does define me, I am in a heterosexual relationship, my best friend from school is in a same-sex relationship, and it was only over a few pints 18 years into our 19 year friendship that we discovered that we had similar crushes growing up – of both genders – and neither of us knew the other was bisexual. 

I have to say that on the most part, the LGBT Community have been very accepting and welcoming. There are, as in every walk of life, a few in the LGBT Community that aren’t so nice, but on a whole they’ve been very nice. I am vocal when it is safe to do so. Pick your fights as I was once told.

@spitefulrollins

I’m not very bi visible. I’m still trying to be completely comfortable with myself because I want to come out when I’m ready, so I keep my girl crushes under wraps. Most people think I’m straight.

I think your chosen partner does define people’s perception of you. Since I’m still in the closet, that hasn’t happened to me. However, I’ve heard stories from fellow bisexual people about how others said “bisexuality isn’t real” because “you are gay with the same sex, and straight with the opposite sex”. 

I feel that this is a big issue in the LGBTQ+ Community as a whole – with the belief that bisexuality isn’t real, and people are just confused, or their sexuality is different depending on the relationship. The B doesn’t get as much positive recognition. I am starting to speak up about the stereotypes towards bisexuals and how the heart chooses who you love. I mean, bi means two/both, so loving both sexes means bisexuality is a thing. 

@StephaniEmerges

I am Stephani, a 50-something year old trans woman who remains deeply closeted in terms of sexual identity and sexual orientation. Despite my leading a complicated and clandestine life, my participation in bisexual pleasures is relatively robust. The reader should know that I am just beginning to emerge as Stephani and only recently began the “Real Life Experience” phase of my M to F transition. I hope to become much more open about my sexuality as I become increasingly comfortable with my feminine appearance.

I began having sex with males and females when I was 14 years old. My first encounter was with a much older high school boy who probably never realized that even at that age, I was self-identifying as female. To him, I suppose, a blowjob was a blowjob, but to me it was a liberating feeling to know that I could bring pleasure to someone else. At roughly the same time, I began hanging out with girls, because I felt much more connected to them. Ultimately, this would lead to intimacy and what would appear to be “heteronormative sex”.

But sex for me has never been heteronormative. When I am with a guy, I am internalizing the encounter as an act between a man and a woman. When I am with a girl, I drift into the amazing reality that I am engaging in ‘Sapphic passions’. So here I am, aged 57, not really certain what it means to be straight, gay, or bi. All I know is that I am enraptured by pleasure-giving AND pleasure-receiving. I would be remiss if I did not confess that I am repulsed by my current physical body, and that I have no regard for any vestigial male characteristics. Therefore, I cannot bear the thought of penetrating another woman, nor can I tolerate the sadness of not having a vagina to take a man.

As I continue to emerge, I am devoted to the notion of living my bisexual, and transgender life out loud. I am proud of who I am, and who I am becoming. I am confident in my ability to love freely, and without strictly wrapped constructs. And I am excited to see where this journey takes me.

@headreplacement

I am in an opposite sex relationship, so people don’t really recognise me as queer. The one thing I am sorry about is that it isn’t so much of an act of rebellion against the haters but I am quite happy right at the moment.

All subject matter was discussed by the active participatants beforehand and the subject was one or more members suggestion. 

If you would like to take a part in our One Subject series and you feel that you represent one part of the LGBTQIA community please contact us. 

Next groups will be (in order) asexual, lesbian, Gay male, allies, 

Anti lgbt sentiment. 

By @pridematters1 

“I am sorry,  I am not going out with you because you are gay!”

There I said it! 

By now you are calling me homophobic and talking on the phone ordering, the lynch mob……………. 

Only I was using it to make a point! 

Perhaps you felt hurt, perhaps betrayed and maybe you felt as though you have come across one of those homophobes you meet all the time on social media.  

One sent me a lovely DM, to a private account, it read 

There is a special place in hell for you! 

I replied 

How lovely! I hope it has air conditioning! 

I could actually say that every Christian is the same:

A homophobic, hate, mongering, one brain celled animal, but I know that isn’t true. 

As Dustin Lance Black pointed out once “They are few in numbers but deep in pockets” or words to that effect. 

They are simply a collective of individuals who look bigger in numbers due to their vocal cords exercised by their bank accounts, probably due to paying little taxes and not spending it on the homeless or other good causes, but only to the pursuit of condemning and oppressing others that are different than themselves. (in my opinion) 

We shouldn’t judge other individuals because of the actions of individuals or organisations like these. 

We should look at the individual and help them, if possible of course, sometimes it’s best to say goodbye, to the overly aggressive or abusive. 

So let’s go back to my first point. 

This time I’m going to change the words slightly……..

“I am sorry, I am not going out with you because you are bisexual!”


Above: non binary sexuality doesn’t mean you are fifty percent into males and fifty percent into females, far from it. 

There is a small number of gay men who believe it is OK to discriminate against bisexuals in such a way, saying bisexuals are a waste of time or they are cheaters, yet they see it wrong for others to judge them on who they are.

Imagine this! 

I’m sorry you can’t have this hot dog, because you are queer!

How angry would someone be then! 

My message to gay men who feel it’s OK to discriminate on the grounds of non binary sexuality would be…….. 

I hope that bisexuals do call you out and help you understand your ignorance! 

As you are attracted to other men, they are attracted to both sexes*.

Nothing to do with ethics at all, it’s that simple.

Nothing to do with greed, it’s that simple.

Nothing to do with confusion, it’s that simple. 

I equally want bisexual men to understand one simple thing too.

Its only a few of gay men that feel like this!

However we all need to call them out, point them out and make sure people understand that everyone doesn’t have this view.

Dont go to their level, be polite and informative, when you can. I know it’s hard at times, trust me I’ve failed more than once. 

Above: No one will disown you. This is probably a message from a gay man feeling badly hurt from his bisexual boyfriend leaving him. Many gay men will leave there gay boyfriends over time, just like many straight men will leave there girlfriends, it’s life. They have no right to feel every bisexual is to blame. 

Like the good Christians that are often judged on the same standards as the faux ones. 

Together we need to fight the LGBTQIA internal phobic views as a community and not individuals because that won’t happen. 

I understand this issue and others do too, I hope as we help you win this fight you can take warmth in that!

Above: Someone’s sexuality has nothing to do with you. They are being honest they are attracted to both sexes.*

Big hugs! 

*sex = biological male/female

Gender = self identity, can be seen as many genders.Not to blow anyone’s mind but a bisexual can be attracted to two or more genders. 

This is the view of the author and may or may not be the view of Pride matters or any other authors. 


​Bisexuality: Not Just A Phase

By Ed Jones. 

“Bi? It’s just a phase, you’re gay” is one of the most common expressions I hear when people ask whether I am gay, or not (asking in the first place is a whole other story). 

Bisexuality can sometimes be treated as a non-existent sexuality, and this treatment isn’t limited to those who identify as heterosexual, but also others who identify under the LGBTQ+ Community flags. It can be a very dangerous thing to say to someone “you’re gay, just accept that”. You can’t determine what someone else’s sexual identity is, the only person that can determine that is the person themselves.

I am twenty-three now, and since the tender age of fifteen I identified as bisexual, hearing the same expressions over and over again about how “I don’t believe you’re bisexual, you’re as gay as they come” (whether it was this meaning of the word, or another, I couldn’t tell you). To hear this from heterosexual peers is disappointing, as they clearly do not think about the ramifications of what they’re saying, and of course sympathy to those who aren’t educated in how to accept others. However, it is more upsetting, and frankly, quite offensive, to have fellow LGBTQ+ Community members comment that “bisexuality isn’t real”, that it’s “just a phase”. Considering the ‘B’ for BISEXUALITY comes right after the ‘G’ for GAY (in the traditionally written identifier of the Community) it pains to hear those who identify as gay treating their fellow with such flippancy and disregard and disrespect.

For some, maybe bisexuality IS a phase, but for many others, it isn’t, it’s how they feel, and having a lack of support from both heterosexual and LGBTQ+ people can be daunting for those of us that do identify as bisexual. Seeking support from those that may receive the same ill-treatment from heterosexuals, and not receiving any, is awful.
At fifteen I was of course unsure of my sexuality, but at twenty-three I am certain now this is who I am, and who I will always be. I only wish the LGBTQ+ Community would support their fellows and think twice before blurting out “it’s just a phase” next time someone opens up to you about their sexuality. Spending a little less time defining someone else’s sexual identity, and a little more time accepting them for who they choose to be, would go a long way.

Catch up with Tom, bisexual male. 


Last year I spoke to my close friend, Tom in detail about his sexuality in his first interview.

http://wp.me/p78BZ8-2ZOn 

Its success and my knowledge of how much he has positively moved on, influence by people asking me how he was doing I decided toasked for a second interview…….. 

Here it is

Enjoy! 

Since your original interview many things have happened in your life. Can you fill in our readers Tom? 
The biggest thing that has happened to me (in my whole life I would say) was coming out to my mother. I did it the night before her Birthday because my brother and his gf were visiting and I just thought to myself, I can’t keep doing this. I felt like I was leading a double, or sometimes triple life. The pressure was immense from all aspects of my life and has been building up over time, and it did take me a few days to actually say something. I beat around the bush too much and didn’t give myself enough time to talk everything through and so finally something in me snapped and I just thought ‘just f***ing do it’.

So how did it go, was it what you expected and how did she react to you being bisexuality?

It was not at all what I expected. I cried a whole heck of a lot more than I had ever anticipated. Mum said she didn’t care about my sexuality because she wanted me to be happy. She told me to “fuck everyone” (not literally) because I needed to make myself happy, and not try make everyone else happy while I’m not.

Not only did you had to tell your mother in the same weekend, you had to tell your brother. Did you find that difficult or easy because of repetition?

Well, I didn’t speak to my brother, my mother did because I told her I was going to tell him first but I decided she would be the hardest person to talk to and I think it was really just like ripping off a bandaid… I definitely felt like I would have found it harder to repeat myself, it was such a relief to finally get it off my chest that if I did try to express again maybe I wouldn’t have been able to express myself completely, or maybe I would have thought of a better way of saying it.

Are all your family cool about it?

During my talk with mum, I explained that there were several members of her family that knew, this wasn’t with malicious intent that “they all know and you don’t ha ha”, but it was to say that if she needed someone to talk to, she could talk to my cousins (her nieces and nephews) and her brothers and sisters.

My brother invited my current boyfriend along to the movies the following day (but he was unavailable). So that shocked me.

My cousins and co. were all super supportive, I told the one cousin I had openly discussed sexuality with, and she informed the rest of my extended family who all said the same thing “is he okay?”, so they were supportive for sure.

I know your previous boyfriend didn’t understand your sexuality very well, what is the reaction of the new one?

He actually messaged me after our first interview (after months of no contact) and told me he was so sorry for how he made me feel and treated me and that he didn’t think he was portrayed as the villain.

I responded by saying that it was in the past and we had both moved on. It wasn’t that he didn’t understand very well, to me it was because I hadn’t been 100% honest with him about who I was as a person, and I think I had left it too late to actually tell him, and he hurt because of it. And I accept that I was of course at fault for the matter, but we were both mature enough to move past it and we’re both happy now in our lives.

I know you are in a relationship with another man, do you get any comments about your sensuality because of this?

All the time. Work is the hardest place for me. While I have opened up to my mother (who informed my brother and his gf), my workmates are a different story. My team are in two locations, and I’ve opened up to a few of those working in the other location to me (all younger, one of them a great mate who is an openly gay male). The office I sit in substantially is full of older workers and they come from a more conservative background. One of them recently stated to my mate in the other office “everyone already knows he’s gay” and that annoyed me because rather than say it to me, or ask about my relationship, they’ve already assumed, and that’s frustrating for sure.

Do you feel that because you are a bisexual in a gay relationship it hides your true identity?

I think that a lot of people struggle with the thought that maybe someone in a same-sex relationship could be something other than gay or lesbian. You can’t just assume someone’s sexuality, you can’t assume anything about anyone certainly not same-sex couples on the street, because you don’t know the full story.

Does this matter, if so how much to you and others?

It matters to me that there are those out there that say “oh you’re not bi, you’re gay, just accept it” because I feel like they’re trying to label me as something I’m not because it makes it easier for them to stick me in a certain pre-disposed perception stereotype. And that isn’t fair.

 You have had a lot of, ‘fan male’ since the first interview, is that inspiring for you? 

Poparlised to get Oh my word, yes it is. It humbles me beyond belief. I had several people message me about being brave enough to share my story and they enjoyed reading the article. Everyone has been fantastic about it and I didn’t expect the responses that I know you and I did.

I feel that if I helped just one person through that article then it was worth it for sure.

What have you got planned next? 

Become Head Writer of ‘Doctor Who’… But also, try my damn hardest to live a happy life with whomever I choose to love.

Thanks again Tom, you are an inspiration to all my readers and myself. Is there anything you would like to say to all the young bisexual guys out there?

Thank you for thinking of me as an inspiration. I think that young bisexuals out there shouldn’t just let others make judgements about who they are, they know who they are and they don’t need anyone else to stick a label or slot them into a stereotype because of their pre-disposed perceptions.

There is a reason LGBT  has a B in it. Bisexuality is and there are those out there that can and do love both men and women equally. It’s up to the Bisexuals to stand up for themselves.

 

Bisexual Pride Flag. 


The Bisexual pride flag was designed by Michael Page in 1998. Page’s aim was to show visibility of an otherwise transparent community. Page also felt that the bisexual community felt no connection towards the traditional Rainbow flag. 

The colours were adopted from the Bi-triangle symbol. The first bisexual pride flag was revealed on December 5th 1998.

The pink represents sexual attraction to the same sex (gay or lesbian)
The blue represents the attraction to the opposite sex (straight)
The colour purple represents the overlap of the colours and being attracted to both sexes as a  bisexual person.

The flag often varies in design and ratios, such as it is often seen with assorted amount of stripes in order to conform with other flags. It is not patented allowing such variants and designs.

Other articles on LGBTQIA flags.


What the rainbow flag means to you?

https://pridematters.wordpress.com/2016/05/07/what-does-the-rainbow-flag-mean-to-you/


The origin of the Rainbow flag


https://pridematters.wordpress.com/2016/05/07/the-origin-of-the-rainbow-flag/


The Transgender Flag


http://wp.me/p78BZ8-Y3


The Asexual Flags


http://wp.me/p78BZ8-12a

Thoughts of a bisexual male. 

My name isn’t important,  but my message is.

I’m attracted to both men and women. Right now I’m in a realationship with a wonderful man.

Being that he is editing this on my behalf, be warned that he will put something complimentary about himself at some point if not already. 

I’ve always been bisexual as far back as I can remember. I remember having a crush on my best friend at the same time as the girl who sat in front of us both in many of our classes. That confused me, so did the lack of information out there too. 

There were gay characters on TV,  in the 1990’s as I grew up, sadly no bisexual ones.

There was no education available due to something I didn’t know existed at the time. Section 28 didn’t just stop gay kids becoming educated but bisexual ones too. With all the homophobia about, how could we expect bisexuality be understood. 

I went to a university in Nottingham and met a few gay guys. Ultimately I met a girl and we set up home together, got married and stayed local, had a beautiful daughter.

Sadly the marriage didn’t work out. Not because I am gay but because marriages sometime fail. Not because of my subconscious telling me it was wrong but because my wife had an affair with someone from work. Not because I didn’t pay her enough attention,  because I was thinking about guys all the time,  but because of other aspects that happened out of my control. 

I moved out of Nottingham to a local town and joined a gym. I met a few guys who I hung about with.

Then boxing day morning 2011, queing outside ‘next’, a clothes stall in the UK, with a friend from my gym I met a guy who although goes to the same gym group as myself didn’t use the same facilities I did at that time. We talked all the time whilst queing. If anyone has ever been to the boxing day sales, they will know roughly how long that takes.

I fell in love straight away, but I didn’t tell him until last year. He saw me as a straight male, just the same as I saw him. After all we all presume that a certain type of Man is straight until proven otherwise.

My friend told me in the car on the way home that he was gay. There was an attraction. Just like there was with my wife when I was in a straight realationship. Just like there was at school all those years ago.

I’m attracted to a certain type of person.

It’s not that I have suddenly woke up to who I am, I naturally hid it before,  behind my hertrosexual marriage. Now because we are about to move in together people are seeing me as a Gay man. I’m not, I’m a bi man in a homosexual realationship,  and again, no fault of my own,  ‘hiding’  behind my homosexual relationship with another man, therefore my visibility as a bi male is invisible.

It’s that simple.

However if we ever split up,  then I will be free from the restraints of falling in love with a male or female. I will love whoever my heart tells me too. 

Most people find that hard to understand. They think bisexuality is an excuse for denial,  but I’m living proof it’s not. My ex wife knew that I was bisexual because we spoke about me being attracted to men back in university. Then she thought I was gay, I convinced her otherwise.

My boyfriend wanted me to write this a while back and I refused at first. We watched a programme a few days ago where a man was saying that bisexuality didn’t exist and a woman was agreeing, it does exist and there are many out there who form realationships with one sex or the other and therefore becomes on the surface gay or straight. Below the surface. I am bisexual.

The more we talk about it the more it will be accepted. 

Very few people outside of your minority will understand your minority without education. That includes everyone, it’s not just gay men or straight women who don’t get it. 

It’s not bigotry but ignorance, bigotry is the cradle of ignorance that leads to intolerance.

The B in lgbtqia isn’t there for a laugh, it’s there for acceptance. We need to accept each other. If we don’t then we will have no strength against the true bigots. Acept that there is a lot of work to be done in the lgbtqia family to educate others and let’s grow as a union. 

Science fiction and the lgbt family.

By Ed Jones

image

My brother asked me once when I was younger “Why are you so into X-Men?” to which I answered “They have cool superpowers!”. Now age twenty-two I still love those mutants just as much as I did as when I was a kid, however, now it is because I feel I can identify with their constant battle against prejudice and cynicism. This is because I identify as bi-sexual and for this I have had harsh words like “It’s made up”, “You’re gay, not bi-sexual” and so on. Of course, I still want superpowers (preferably my favourite X-Man Iceman, who as of 2015 was canonically gay, go figure), but I can relate because bi-sexuality is just as big a part of LGBT+ as any other part of the Community, and all members see themselves as a minority.

While the X-Men have strong racism undertones, it is my belief that those in the LGBT+ Community can identify with the madness these mutants encounter on a daily basis. For those in the LGBT+ Community, gay superheroes and science-fiction (sci-fi) characters we can relate to come few and far between. However, in more recent times LGBT+ characters within the sci-fi genre have become something more prevalent. This is a step away from the thoughts and attitudes of the 60s when X-Men was first printed, and a step toward a more 23rd century similar to the one Captain Jack Harkness (of Doctor Who and Torchwood notoriety) comes from.

image

Captain Jack Harkness

The importance of LGBT+ characters in sci-fi is something dear to my heart, and also I know, with many others across the globe. The inclusion of them allows people struggling with their sexuality a role model to look up to. It also shows those struggling with identifying themselves that if there is a place for them within a fantasy world, then there can be in the real world.
For sci-fi fans, the world of fantasy can become reality, whether it is through comic or graphic novel form or through TV / film. Steven Moffat, head writer of Doctor Who has moved the show that began in the 60s with no LGBT characters, into the new age where we have recurring characters of Madame Vastra and Jenny Flint, a married inter-species lesbian couple who aren’t the typical damsel-in-distress archetypes that were more prominent in a by-gone era.

image

In addition, Doctor Who also saw Transgender actress Bethany Black (in Series 9’s episode ‘Sleep No More’) have a supporting role helping the TARDIS duo out of trouble.
In addition, the ever-lovable (except in the last episode of ‘Children of Earth’) character of Captain Jack Harkness had a profound influence on me as a twelve-year old, and maybe he is the reason I identify as bi-sexual (even though he is a pansexual from the 23rd Century). In saying this, seeing a shirtless Hugh Jackman as Wolverine in the first X-Men may also have done something to my sexuality…

image

The characters of Tara Maclay and Willow Rosenberg in Buffy The Vampire Slayer were the first example of a homosexual relationship that I came across when I was younger, and may have helped pave the way for other LGBT characters in sci-fi post-90s. Their inclusion added to the complexity of each character’s development over the series without diminishing the already mature themes that were apparent in the show. Both Willow and Tara became role models for all and continue to be so thirteen years after the show ended.

Science-fiction has come a long way since the 60s in terms of LGBT character inclusions, with some also casting openly gay actors as well. Game of Thrones, True Blood and Star Trek are some of the more popular fandoms that have shown LGBT characters to be strong, complex personalities that aren’t lessened by their sexualities. Their place in the fantasy world helps those in the real world with identifying themselves and can inspire the new generations to feel accepted and important.

Interview with a young bisexual woman

This next interview is with a young bisexual woman. Her drag name is Phierce as she is a faux queen and her real name is Xienna. She is living in one of the worlds largest cities and taking the opportunity to be her own person, incredibly inspiring

You can follow Phierce on twitter at  @phiercephanatic 

Enjoy

11168956_1901902940035749_1144652749277542462_nFirst of all tell me about yourself? 

I’m a 20 year old bisexual woman, living in New York. I’m a faux queen (a biological woman who does drag) and a singer/songwriter. I also enjoy writing poetry. I’m currently in a relationship.

Exactly how do you identify yourself sexually and otherwise?

 Well, when it comes to gender identity, I identify as a cisgender female, who is on the feminine side of the gender identity spectrum. As far as sexual and romantic orientation go, I identify as a biromatic bisexual, which means I am both romantically and sexually attracted to more than one gender.

Many of the readers won’t know the area you were born in so could you describe it, especially the attitudes towards LGBT, if any.

I live in Bronx, NY currently. (I was born in Greenwich Village but have lived in Bronx, NY my whole life.) It is quite diverse here, people from all different backgrounds that speak all different languages. As far attitude towards LGBTQ+ individuals, everyone I’ve encountered that has LGBTQ+ individuals in their families are very accepting and laid back about that. Although I can’t speak for everyone, in my experience, I’ve seen it go pretty well.

bisex flagTell me about how you discovered you are bisexual?

Well, that was quite a long journey. I’d always had feelings toward men, the feelings towards women came about when I was about eleven in 6th grade. I started to get butterflies when I’d see women, just like I would when I’d see men. Ever since then I’ve known I was bisexual. I know this is going to sound interesting and maybe a little weird, but drag queens were a huge part of my journey. Not only were they huge role models (and still are today), but I found some of them attractive out of drag and then when they would get in drag, I still found them attractive.

How did you cope with it?

Well, I’ll be honest, I had a really hard time coping with it before I came out to everyone I’m out to now. I used to cry myself to sleep because I wasn’t happy. I felt like a piece of me was missing and it took me a while to figure out what that part was. It was the part of me that was attracted to women which I hid away from everyone for years because I grew up in a religious household with my mother. She is a devout Christian, and I didn’t know what would happen if I came out to her. I honestly feared the worst. But things did get easier once I started to come out to people.

Have you told any friends or family?

Yes I have. I’m out to my friends that I went to school with, my friends on social media, my exes that I dated before I was out, and my mother.

How did they react when you first told them?

Well, my friends on social media who are part of the Rupaul’s Drag Race fandom with me were all very supportive, also lots of them are LGBTQ+ as well. My friends from school were also very supportive. One of them even said she knew I was bi, which was hilarious. My exes were somewhat shocked, but were accepting. As far as my mother goes, I didn’t have anything to fear because she was the most supportive out of everyone I told, which was amazing for me.

Has there been any comments or reactions since?

Well, as far as everyone that I’ve come out to, their reactions haven’t changed. They all seem to be content with the way I choose to live my life.

ppWhat are your thoughts on coming out to people as a bisexual person?

 Well, coming out as bisexual can go either way as far as reactions, questions or anything else. Sometimes people that you come out to or people in general don’t understand exactly what bisexuality is, and may have several misconceptions because of that. When I encounter people like that, I try to explain exactly what bisexuality is, at least to me, because everyone defines their identities differently. So the most I can do is give my definition and make sure that even if they believe in the misconceptions, that they don’t make that known in front of anyone that identifies as bisexual because it can be insulting to them. But I think most people do understand bisexuality and I feel that just like any other individual, bisexuals should come out, be their true selves and be proud of it.

Who was the hardest person to come out to?

My mom definitely!

Just because of the fear of what would happen. But I’m glad everything went well. I couldn’t ask to have better people surrounding me.

What are your thoughts on monogamy?

I love the idea of monogamy. In my opinion, it creates a stronger bond between the individuals involved in the relationship and definitely simmers down the drama a lot. I have been in open relationships before, but right now I’m living a completely monogamous life. I don’t need open relationships to be happy, I never did.

A lot of people believe the myth that a bisexual person cannot have a monogamous relationship what would you tell them?

I would first tell them not to feed into stereotypes of any kind. Second, I would say I’m living proof that a bisexual individual can be in a monogamous relationship. I’m in one currently. One thing I can’t stand are people who feed into stereotypes, and I can’t stand stereotypes themselves. Just because bisexuals are able to be attracted to more than one gender, that doesn’t mean that when they’re in a relationship, they need to be with more than one person at the same time. My advice to everyone out there, stereotypes are disgusting, don’t believe in them.

When and if people ask such questions about your sexuality how do you react to them?

I really just try to educate people when they’ve gotten something wrong about my sexuality. Who better to teach others than someone living the life in question? I try not to get angry or upset if they don’t understand bisexuality, because those emotions would make things worse and make me incapable of teaching people a more accepting way.

What do you think to comments that Bisexual people have it easy, because they are attracted to both sexes?

Well, I don’t believe we have it “easy”. I believe we do have more options than people attracted to just one gender. It’s quite hard to be bisexual though. Either people don’t understand your sexuality or some people don’t even think it’s real. But bisexuals have certain things they’re looking for in a significant other just like everyone else does. We don’t just go to any man or woman like some people believe we do.

Have you ever had any negative reaction from anyone?

 Of course I have. But not from anyone I’ve come out to. I find there’s some really strong biphobia on YouTube. Both in videos and in comments. People spewing biphobic statements and misconceptions everywhere, and they want to be rude and defensive when a bisexual person, such as myself, tries to simply help them by explaining the reality of the situations they bring up. Also, a personal experience of mine on YouTube is, whenever I comment on a video saying a man is attractive people will like my comment maybe even comment back agreeing with me. But when I do the same with women, everyone gets uptight, and starts a childish argument with me over me saying a woman is attractive to me in more than an aesthetic way. Also, there’s some certain people on YouTube that purposely make videos against bisexuals, and they themselves are part of the LGBTQ+ community. I think it’s disgusting that our own community turns against each other. We get enough of that from homophobes. It’s not necessary.

In regards to girlfriends/boyfriends who have reacted in the most negative/positive way?

Luckily, I haven’t received any negative reactions from anyone I’ve ever gone out with, man or woman. All the men I’ve gone out so far have all been straight, as far as the women, I’ve dated two so far, one pansexual and one lesbian, who I’m dating now. They’ve all been positive about me being bisexual.

How do you think other members of the LGBT+ family react to your sexuality?

I honestly think that some people in the LGBTQ+ community can be biphobic at times, whether they realize it or not. But of course, most of them are amazing individuals that understand bisexuality just as well as they understand their own sexualities, whatever those sexualities may be. One big thing that happens in the media is “bi-erasure”. Bi-erasure is exactly what it sounds like, people in the media erasing any trace of bisexuality so they don’t have to put it out there for what it really is. For example, if a celebrity comes out as bisexual, the media will simply just speak on whatever relationship they’re currently in and call it a straight or gay relationship when it’s actually neither of those. It’s not really even a bisexual relationship, it’s just a relationship. That’s something that annoys me a lot.

But I think more and more people are beginning to see bisexuality for what it truly is and I have my fellow LGBTQ+ community members and allies to thank for that. So, all’s well.

What advice would you give others?

One big thing about coming out, you should only come out when you’re ready. If you come out when you aren’t you won’t be ready for a negative reaction if one was to arise. Also, when you come out, be prepared to answer questions, because people will ask them. The longer you’re in the closet, the harder it gets, don’t be afraid to be yourself. Everyone has the right to do so. If people have a problem with your sexuality, you should find people that don’t because those are the people that truly matter and that should be in your life for the long run. Be proud of yourself and never be ashamed. Also, remember there are resources out there for you. The Trevor Project is amazing, additionally, if you’re an LGBTQ+ individual that’s religious, Queer Theology is great as well. They have podcasts that I listen to all the time that can help LGBTQ+ people of faith stay in touch and not feel like they don’t belong. Remember, you’re beautiful and strong. You can make it through anything and the LGBTQ+ community is always here for you.

Are you involved with any groups that support bisexuality at all?

I follow several accounts on Twitter that support bisexuality and always share their articles and other content on my timeline for my followers to see. I’m thinking of possibly starting my own bisexuality group. Maybe on Facebook, just so bisexual individuals can have a place to be themselves away from unacceptable surroundings, if that’s where they are. Or even if they just want to talk to other people that understand what they go through on a daily basis.

And…..your final thoughts?

I think this is a great way to share opinions of bisexual individuals all around the world and I’m glad to be a part of it. I’m sure this interview will make quite a difference in the world. Thank you for inviting me to do this interview, it was an honour.

 

 

 

Freddie Mercury. 

In this series we look at various heroes and advocates of the LGBTQIA family.

In this article we focus on Bisexual, Freddie Mercury. 

Freddie Mercury was born just after the second world war in the Sultanate of Zanzibar and grew up in India, moving to England in his teens. He became the lead vocalist for the rock band Queen who had hits through the seventies and eighties.

freddie-mercury-4

Sadly Mercury died of bronchopneumonia brought on by AIDS at the end of 1991. He was much loved in the UK and abroad. A tribute concert was then announced at The Brit Awards, in February 1992 by the remaining members of Queen and their manager Jim Beach. The concert was to raise both money for AIDS research and awareness of the disease.

fmc.jpgWithin three hours of the tickets going on sale they sold out, even though the only announced  act was the remaining members of the group. The concert was aired live on BBC in the UK and on global networks on 20th April 1992, Easter weekend. The biggest stars of the day took part.

This was also the biggest chance to date to  spread awareness of the newly designed red ribbon. The last outing was a few months prior at the Oscars and the enthusiasm for the usage of the ribbon was almost at fever pitch.

World_Aids_Day_Ribbon

The organises ensured that everyone in both the audience  and on stage would receive a red ribbon in order to show the world a way to support awareness, also raising money for research and other projects, on the back of the concert.

The Mercury Phoenix Trust was launched soon after. In 21 years the trust has given away over 15 million dollars and funded over 700 projects globally in 57 different countries. The trust is always looking for donors so they can continue to give to AIDS awareness projects. They believe that education is the true answer to eradicating this disease and believe that Freddie’s memory, legacy and charisma is a driving force.

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