One Subject: Bisexuality. 

This series focuses on different points of views and experiences. 

No one was aware of the others replies, giving varied and unbiased diversity in the answers. 

The focus was on Bisexual people this time as we asked the below question(s)

How bi visible are you? 


Do you find your chosen partner defines people’s perception of you? 

Do you feel this is an issue with bi activism and how can you as an individual help to increase visibility for all?

@tom_weise 

I do my best to support the fight against “biphobia” and people’s dismissal of bisexuality. I’ve written several articles on the matter, and try to help people understand when I speak to them in person about the subject. It can be challenging at times, but I persevere because it’s important to me, and to every other person that identifies as bisexual in the world.

Unfortunately, I do feel that your choice of partner defines people’s perception of yourself as a bisexual. After having a boyfriend I’ve mentioned to several friends that I am looking for a girlfriend now, and they laugh it off thinking it’s a joke. It’s distressing because it makes me feel like people are just brushing off who I am, and not giving me any support when they say “you’re too gay to get a girlfriend”. Yikes.

I believe that there is a lot of bi-activism from multiple sources (including celebrities). However, it may be the case that the general population don’t have “exposure” to someone who identifies as “bisexual”. They may have openly gay and lesbian friends, but no openly bisexual ones. Because they don’t have the daily interactions with someone who is bisexual, it would be hard to understand what it is like for them in the LGBT+ Community. The same can be said for anyone under the Rainbow Flag. If people don’t have these interactions then they can be dismissive and show limited understanding.

This is why bi visibility is important. When people ask, I tell them I’m bisexual, and I make a point of saying that it isn’t straight and it isn’t gay. It’s important to be the person you’re happy with, and if you’re happy as a bisexual, then don’t be ashamed of who you are. People can be understanding, it just requires a “breakdown of the stigma”.

@bartolomeo_lisa

There are different sub sets of bisexuality; on some level, I think I was always open to the possibility of spending my life with the person who made me all around happiest – the person who completed me; and I don’t remember ever defining them as male or female.

I never really thought or felt that it had to be one or the other; While I never officially “came out”, mainly because I didn’t feel I had to, I have never hidden the fact from anyone. Also being Trans has, for some reason, caused more people to question my orientation; I have tried to keep that knowledge on a need-to-know basis. I find women are more accepting; more open – I tend to feel safer opening up to them; and you can’t have a relationship with someone without honesty; but, who knows what the future holds.

I think the biggest misconception people have about bisexuality is that it is somehow akin to nymphomania; that we are all sex-crazed and want to hop into bed with everyone. I would like people to realize that while this may be true of a few individuals, (just like in every other orientation) mostly we are just people who see an individual, for the sum of all their parts – not just physical parts; that we fall for them as who they are, not just for how we want them sexually.

Anonymous 

I’m a victim of the 90s where sexuality wasn’t discussed as it was still a seedy topic. I’d describe my bivisiblity as the cloaking cape in Harry Potter – I’m not ashamed, and will tell anyone who asks, but until they ask, I’m not going to walk around with a badge saying ‘look at the bisexual’.

I feel on the outside my relationship does define me, I am in a heterosexual relationship, my best friend from school is in a same-sex relationship, and it was only over a few pints 18 years into our 19 year friendship that we discovered that we had similar crushes growing up – of both genders – and neither of us knew the other was bisexual. 

I have to say that on the most part, the LGBT Community have been very accepting and welcoming. There are, as in every walk of life, a few in the LGBT Community that aren’t so nice, but on a whole they’ve been very nice. I am vocal when it is safe to do so. Pick your fights as I was once told.

@spitefulrollins

I’m not very bi visible. I’m still trying to be completely comfortable with myself because I want to come out when I’m ready, so I keep my girl crushes under wraps. Most people think I’m straight.

I think your chosen partner does define people’s perception of you. Since I’m still in the closet, that hasn’t happened to me. However, I’ve heard stories from fellow bisexual people about how others said “bisexuality isn’t real” because “you are gay with the same sex, and straight with the opposite sex”. 

I feel that this is a big issue in the LGBTQ+ Community as a whole – with the belief that bisexuality isn’t real, and people are just confused, or their sexuality is different depending on the relationship. The B doesn’t get as much positive recognition. I am starting to speak up about the stereotypes towards bisexuals and how the heart chooses who you love. I mean, bi means two/both, so loving both sexes means bisexuality is a thing. 

@StephaniEmerges

I am Stephani, a 50-something year old trans woman who remains deeply closeted in terms of sexual identity and sexual orientation. Despite my leading a complicated and clandestine life, my participation in bisexual pleasures is relatively robust. The reader should know that I am just beginning to emerge as Stephani and only recently began the “Real Life Experience” phase of my M to F transition. I hope to become much more open about my sexuality as I become increasingly comfortable with my feminine appearance.

I began having sex with males and females when I was 14 years old. My first encounter was with a much older high school boy who probably never realized that even at that age, I was self-identifying as female. To him, I suppose, a blowjob was a blowjob, but to me it was a liberating feeling to know that I could bring pleasure to someone else. At roughly the same time, I began hanging out with girls, because I felt much more connected to them. Ultimately, this would lead to intimacy and what would appear to be “heteronormative sex”.

But sex for me has never been heteronormative. When I am with a guy, I am internalizing the encounter as an act between a man and a woman. When I am with a girl, I drift into the amazing reality that I am engaging in ‘Sapphic passions’. So here I am, aged 57, not really certain what it means to be straight, gay, or bi. All I know is that I am enraptured by pleasure-giving AND pleasure-receiving. I would be remiss if I did not confess that I am repulsed by my current physical body, and that I have no regard for any vestigial male characteristics. Therefore, I cannot bear the thought of penetrating another woman, nor can I tolerate the sadness of not having a vagina to take a man.

As I continue to emerge, I am devoted to the notion of living my bisexual, and transgender life out loud. I am proud of who I am, and who I am becoming. I am confident in my ability to love freely, and without strictly wrapped constructs. And I am excited to see where this journey takes me.

@headreplacement

I am in an opposite sex relationship, so people don’t really recognise me as queer. The one thing I am sorry about is that it isn’t so much of an act of rebellion against the haters but I am quite happy right at the moment.

All subject matter was discussed by the active participatants beforehand and the subject was one or more members suggestion. 

If you would like to take a part in our One Subject series and you feel that you represent one part of the LGBTQIA community please contact us. 

Next groups will be (in order) asexual, lesbian, Gay male, allies, 

Transgender and Allies Day Of Visability 

by @Aunty_Vicki

Firstly a poem

A new method of thinking of pre & post transition trans people. 

While in the closet, 

I was not being authentic me, 

far from it really! 

So the person you thought you knew,

is gone now

with some pieces from before

but changes, there are more, 

an actor plays in many different series and so on, 

each character they play is different, 

so it is for pre & post transition, 

companies rebrand and everyone copes, 

& changes in a short amount of time, 

why is it with people, 

that this takes more time?

With Donald Trump now as President of the United States, This years Day of Vsability is more important than ever, standing up against Trumps Transphobic Policies that have already seen some of Barack Obalma’s equalising policies reversed.

The latest blow, is that Gavin Grimm’s case for being able to use The gents is now going to be heard at a lower court, rather than at the supreme court.
Wake up people and smell the roses. Transgender people have been around since Eve was made from Adam’s Rib, unless of course Trump sore in on a piece of Fiction. Yet it has only been the last few years that laws about who can pee where have made the news. The simple fact of the matter is, a large number of people have shared a bathroom with someone trans without anything untoward happening to them. We are in there for pretty much the same reason as you, we need the bathroom, to fix our make up in the giant mirrors in there, or to chat in private for a few minutes with other female friends.
Looking back 2 years ago, I had a temperairy tat to help celbibrate the day of Visability. Things were heading in the direction of being better together then.  Hopefully in time, that which has been given and then snatched away will return to stay.


Humans are Humans. 

That simple fact needs to be realised and legally recognised.

Another peom to finish with:

locally it is the weeks of pride

a wide variety of events for everyone including you

while I live on being me

Some ask what is pride about

for those #LGBTQIA+,

non binary

it is a piece of our history, 

documenting the pathway to becoming more equal, 

than we were before, 

Celebrate and love safely, 

Kind regards from this Asexual Trans woman lady.

This is the view of the author and may or may not be the view of Pride matters or any other authors. 


One Subject: Transgender. 

This series focuses on different points of views and experiences. 

No one was aware of the others replies, giving varied and unbiased diversity in the answers. 

The focus was on Transgender people this time as we asked the below question(s) 

Many people who are transgender rightfully take their time in choosing the name they wish to be called. I asked several people who identify as Transgender the question;

How did you choose your new name?

Do you recall any interesting stories about choosing your new name?

Can you give any good advise to help others in their decision?


@ftmtransmanalex 

I haven’t legally changed my name yet, but I do prefer to go by Seth. 

At first it was Alexander, but it was way too close to my birth name, and I didn’t like it, so I asked a group chat I was apart of, and they helped me pick a good one. 

To anyone picking a name; go with the one you feel comfortable with, it might change a lot, but it will work out in the end.

@TransEthics

Legally, there were surprisingly few obstacles, and it was easy.

The biggest issue was getting my coworkers to call me by my new name. I solved that by ignoring people when they ‘deadnamed’ me.

Originally I just used a feminized version of my given name, but when I moved to a new city it was difficult for the new people in my life to recall. Several of them (independently of each other) just started calling me Vikki because it “seemed to fit” me. I liked it, and decided to keep it.

Among my friends it was received very well. My mom was probably the biggest hurdle, and it took her meeting me as her daughter in person for it to finally stick.

One’s new name doesn’t have to be a ‘regendered’ version of your birth name. It can be anything. Choose someone who inspires you, or whom you admire. Think about various choices, and try writing out your new name(s). Try to pick something that feels right for you.



@furiouslyqueer

The hardest part about changing my name was figuring out what the new one should be. It felt like a lot of pressure to pick something that was at once personal, significant, easy to pronounce, and at least a little bit badass.

Overall I’ve had very positive feedback over the new name, despite it being a bit weird. It has very personal significance so I’m glad it’s not been torn apart by anyone. The only “negative” comment I’ve had was from my mum who wondered if it didn’t sound “a bit too feminine”. I told her I’m not afraid of femininity and I’m very happy with showing that in my name.

It’s so tempting to get the approval of others when trying to decide on a new name, but don’t be bothered with the opinions of others. Don’t be scared of choosing a name because it’s unusual, or unique, or it’s shared by a character from a book or a TV show, or because it’s too popular. Your name is yours, and no one with that name has ever existed the way you exist, and lived the way you live.

@Aunty_Vicki

My method was to test drive names informally for a while to make sure they felt better than my birth-assigned name, before formalising it. In my experience, barriers to name and gender change included: fees for new birth certificate, reissuing fees for qualifications and formal identification such as driver’s license, credit cards, being ‘deadnamed’ even after your name is legally changed, and the endless task of contacting every business that has your details to update them – this included insurance companies, utilities etc. In some cases, a large number of copies of your new birth certificate are required to be mailed into some organisations to update their records.

On the plus side, you now have a name that fits you better than what someone assigned you at birth. For some people, Transgender more than any other group, name change is often accompanied by a change of pronouns, from ‘he’ to ‘she’ and so on. This also has its own set of barriers, such as the delay of filing a gender change, and the actual court date. To keep in mind, the amount of redtape and proof level required for gender recognition varies by country and state. The best country that I am aware of for such things is Canada, where it can all be done online in a few minutes, and it is free there.


@bartolomeo_lisa

Most people don’t get to choose their own names, unless they are a celebrity of some kind. We all have different stories and different levels of acceptance of who we are. Early on I realized that many things about me didn’t match with who I was, and who I wanted others to see. I was about 5 years old, sitting in the kitchen with my favorite person in the world; my mom. I asked her point blank, what would my name have been – she replied nonchalantly “Elisabeth”, so for the longest time I only answered to that name. As I got a little older, and some of my personality blossomed I realised – Elisabeth is a Jane Austen character – I was Lisa; not a laced-up, well-bred lady who gets the vapors, but was a take no shit, take no prisoners snarky chic, who can handle herself. In retrospect, I could’ve picked anything later in my journey – “Selena” like Catwoman or Aria, but my mom supported me always without question, it was kind of the least I could do. Nauseating, right?

@glitterkinney

As I grew to understand myself as a transgender girl, I kind of took my new name choice for granted.  My mother had two names picked out:  one for Boy, one for Girl.  Out of respect for my mom I just assumed my name would be Amanda when I came out as transgender.  I figure I’d at least honor her by choosing the name I should have been born with in the first place.  I wasn’t thrilled but hey, I didn’t get a chance to pick out my male name, either. It felt real and natural and safe.  Another piece of myself clicked into place and there was no question after that.  I love my mom but this is about what I feel is right for my life.

Goodbye, Amanda!

Hello, Kinney!

I know, no matter the name, it’s my character and heart that will be what identifies me as a woman and as a person.

All questions in this series were discussed beforehand before taking part, in order to ask questions suited to the groups asked. 

If you wish to take part in the following group question please contact us, in order to go on the list. 

Next group in order: Bisexual, Asexual, Lesbian, gay men, mix group. 

What does diversity means to you? 

​By @pridematters1

We asked What diversity means to you? on @Mattersofpride here are your thoughts……. 


@SShingatok 

Looking beyond your difference and accept people for who they are. 

@LetsKickASS_PDX 

Diversity = Accepting everyone as they are, even when they don’t look like us.


@himikenelson

Simply being free to be who you really are without fear!


@spiralsuntweet 

Diversity means everyone’s equal but different and it’s not something to just tolerate, but something to celebrate. 🙂

@PaulSacque

It means no gay bars, just bars, where everybody is welcome and feels safe, regardless of what label they’re supposed to carry. 

@dragonflygirlme

It’s means that my children can be who they are meant to be without fear and prejudice, both came out as bisexual

@TrueFMOnline

Giving, Growing, Giving Back and Being that #onevoice to make change happen!
@BFostersbox 

I can do it in one word:

Everything…

Here are my thoughts on diversity and it’s meaning! 

Diversity is simple, each of us are different. From the obvious to the intricate detail. 

For me diversity is about accepting others colours, just like the Rainbow flag teaches us. Looking inside of others and accepting everyone as equals untill they prove otherwise. 

Black, white, Gay,  straight, lesbian, Muslim, Asian, transgender, Cisgender, Christian, disabled, bisexual and so on. It’s not about the group but the individual. Don’t condemn someone because what you think of the group but only if they are harmful towards you. Solely being a gay male or a Muslim doesn’t make you dangerous. There are good and bad in all of us and you become as bad as the homophobe or racist woman hater if we did that. 

But you knew that anyway! 

The dictionary stats……..  

noun

  1. the state of being diverse.

    “there was considerable diversity in the style of the reports”

What simple message would you like to give to someone who is anti lgbt that gives positive thought to them? 

I find the best policy if you engage with someone who is being phobic towards out comuinity is to politely engage with them a little, but be in control. 

I personally use phrases like however I understand that these phrases don’t suit everyone. 

All we are after is equal rights, simply the same as you and you can fault a fellow tax payer for wanting that. 

Sometimes saying

Loving someone doesn’t hurt anyone but ignorance does! 

And others 

It may well be your belief that my sexuality is wrong but it’s my belief it’s my choice to live the way I was born and feel inside. 

It’s always best not to get angry and often not to over engage. 

Over engaging is SOMETHING I SOMETIMES fail with. 

On social media I have a five engagement rule, then I finish the sentence off with……

I am sorry that you don’t understand,  but thank you for making me stronger to fight homophobic hatred!

So I asked what positive message you would give to someone that is anti lgbt and these are some of the replies….. 

@Leah_Kitty13

We are your friends, family, neighbors, and the people you loved before you were aware of who we love. That hasn’t changed. 
@estaizzy

Hate serves no real purpose. We are all still human live & let live. Remember your loved ones could be lgbt. Respect all!
@SuzannadeeMusic

Every person has a right to love sum1 no matter, race, culture, gender or age. What do U fear? We’re on this earth to love. 

@ACalloway13

Why do you hate me when yesterday before you knew me fully you loved me. This is what you are fighting against, me, and who I am.

@EmmaPrendergas7

 Stop being an eejit

YesEquality

@_AlexandraClare 

If we reject someone on only 1 aspect of themselves, we are all in danger of rejection. Look for what you have in common.
@lionelfosters 

We are who we are and we will be who we are. We live amongst you and our children school with your children. We are people.
@Sammyjwaz

We are all human, we are all equal and deserve to love. Love one love all without prejudice or judgement. 
@EmrldHzrd

Always love yourself!

It’s the one thing that i am the worst at.

@AA4F

To one and all the  anti LGBT out there! 

Your hypochondria can be cured, with conversion therapy.

What is normal?

Last updated on 25th December 2016 

How many times have you heard someone with phobic views towards the LGBTQIA community say……. 
It’s not normal!

It’s hard to understand why someone who identifies themselves as heterosexual can’t even see the flaws in this statement. Equally it’s hard for anyone to understand someone’s else’s sexuality or gender. 

Hearing this must be damaging and confusing to any questioning youth. I once heard an avid homohater say….. 

The queer youths in our town are confused and it’s clear they need direction.

He also used the word ‘queer’ as a derogarative term and not as an umbrella term. 

Not even thinking the reason they are confused is because they are telling them to be themselves as they are growing up and once becoming old enough to realise they are lgbtqia then telling them its not normal……


What is normal is always a question that comes up when talking about the lgbt community! It’s not normal is often thrown unmercifully in the face of questioning teens, starting a downward spiral of confusion, leading to other issues.

I always use this analogy….. 

Think of blonds, brunettes and black haired peeps as the most common colours, red heads are the least. 
It doesn’t make red heads any less normal than the other common colours, simply a rarity or unique!


So what exactly is normal? 

I asked our twitter followers on @Mattersofpride what they saw as ‘normal’ and then came the brilliant advice an quotes….. 

@englishjungle1 

The issue is simple: just because something is common doesn’t make it more normal than anything else people might be or do! 

@TJ_Knight

There’s no such thing as normal. Don’t chase other people’s notion of normality. Be you. Be loud, proud, unique… Be happy.

@YaraJuarez2

We live in a crazy world where wars, poverty and tragedies are “normal”. The dreamers  are called “weird”.

I love being weird.

@LinCleary

No such thing as normal but there is a thing called Unique- be Proud of your uniqueness & remember- you were made to shine.

@HalfwayCreation

Normal could be peaceful Co existence. 

@gerlparts

“Normal” is a social construct created to differentiate between those who can be easily manipulated & who can’t.

@Oaky_van_Dokey

Everyone has their own definition of what is or has to be normal, especially influenced by their social environment. religious beliefs. 

image

@DCHomos
Normal is boring.
Be different.
Be yourself.

@ThisIsBeverly

We are all in the same boat but there’s some of us intentionally drilling holes down in the bilges. There’s only one result

@miracleboi

Wait, there’s a ‘normal’ human being?? That’s new and progressive!

@BipolarAbdul

Normality is your personal standard. It doesn’t matter if that is normal to other people. Normal is different to everyone.

image

@bturner211

Normal is showing humanity, compassion accepting people for who they are regardless of sexual orientation, colour, race or sex

@CBCelestine444



Nothing in nature is normal, everything is constantly changing and evolving towards the best it can be… https://t.co/byP0qIhOpS

@ThisIsBeverly

You can also consider all the research done which shows in the majority of cases, those that vocalise their distaste towards homosexuality are in fact strongly aroused by images and video of homosexual activities. But then again… also considering all mammals, transsexual, homosexual and bisexual is pretty normal. Is heterosexuality a social conditioning away from the norm of “free love” and free expression of gender? Because if you take all warm blooded animals into consideration, it probably would be by hugh margin. 

image

So what is normal? 
You are!

Don’t let anyone kid you otherwise. 

Questioning yourself. 


Last updated on 31st December 2016



Questioning you’re self identify is hard to do.

As a friend put it, it’s the period between discovering you may not be ‘heterosexual’ or you are feeling conflicted in regards of your gender’ and knowing who you truly are!

Often a while before you come out too.

So I asked the question……. 

What advise you would give someone who is questioning their sexuality and/or gender?


@skylar596

Don’t feel pressured to figure it out now. It’s OK to explore.

@jaguar1960

Be true to who you are. No matter what. It’s the only peace.

@fuxyeahitstommy


You don’t have to label yourself. Have fun, be safe, and be happy.

@MrHellInBoots

Don’t be rude! Use some lube.

@TraciBayless
You are perfect no matter the answer to your question

@CBCelestine444

If you have questions you have in regards of your identity, then explore them with the person you are attracted to.

@the79show

Don’t be afraid to be your own brand of lgbt

@Jess4Hillary16

Dr Seuss said it best #loveislove

@ThirdOracle

Feel free to question someone you trust who’s gone through the same type of questioning. It’s natural. Seek support.

@roygaybiv

Sexuality are gender are spectrums, don’t let labels define who you are.

@fakeddetamore

No matter your answers you’re still you. Don’t find a label that fits? Define your own orientation.

@jonna_boy 

Don’t let other people’s opinions influence who you want to be.

@LesDane

Don’t ask for advice, and if someone tries to advise you, don’t listen. That’s my advice.

@KittenKoder

Try it before you buy it.

You don’t have to feel guilty if you make a mistake, simply be honest at all times, as much as you can and don’t rush, don’t ever feel obligated to give yourself a label!

From this point onwards Also available in Spanish http://wp.me/p7ZaHo-7

Going through adolescence is tough at best of times. however when you are unsure about your self identity it can make it much harder. So I asked our followers on @Mattersofpride what advice would they give anyone questioning their self identity….. 

@The_BadBlogger

If you spend your whole life hiding your true self because of what others think, you’ll only end up hurting yourself.

@scytheanon

You’re not the first and nor will you be the last to have doubts and discovering your true identity is not a race. Relax.

@sara_harnetty

Take your time. Find support. Reach out to someone you trust before the stress gets to you.

@Winkypopo

You don’t have to know today. Love who you love, accept love, and be honest about your feelings. It’s to hard trying to be someone else.

@QueerComedy

A lot of us struggle with self identity. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Surround yourself with encouraging, positive people

@gregstevens 

It’s ok to not know. 

It’s ok to not have an answer.

@Wisemanmoore

Authentically be yourself and realize that your gifts to the world can never be reproduced.

@psavoie626

Question in a gentle, loving way. Put aside bias from upbringing/religion/community. Know that identity is fluid over time.

@jasper_jen 

There is lots of time to find out and explore yourself, as long as youre living your life and having fun you’re doing.

@MALSTWR

Shine.
Allow yourself to be the star you truly are.

There is only one of you.

See your potential.

Live, love and be happy.

Life is for living and loving.

I personally would recommend to concentrate on your own mental wellbeing, don’t worry about telling people because of ‘honesty issues’, people keep secrets all the time.

The number one priority is YOU. 

What is most important is understanding yourself and moving away from the questioning group at your own speed accepting the beauty of who you truly are.

Extra information. 

Here are Wipe out Homophobia’s pages on advice for families and lgbtqia persons. 

http://www.stop-homophobia.com/comingout.htm

http://www.stop-homophobia.com/my-coming-out

The above are also available in Spanish. 

http://wp.me/p78BZ8-15E

There is plenty of support out there for parents too. 

Pflag groups are global. Here are a few of countries groups websites. 

UK – http://www.pflag.co.uk/

Canada – http://pflagcanada.ca/

USA – https://www.pflag.org/

Australia -http://pflagaustralia.org.au/

If you would like your countries pflag group adding please contact us with the details.
We are constantly updating these pages with more information, please keep checking and advising. 

Why I feel we need to stop “coming out”

By @rhyskhart

Now of course I don’t mean stay “in the closet” for ever because that is firstly, extremely unhealthy and secondly, you’d live a very unhappy, unfulfilling life.  But this is one of my fundamental views that “coming out” or even the “closet” is oppressive. Although, it is completely up to you if you do or don’t follow this article, it is a personal thing, and also if you do have homophobic family then in truth it is better to “come out” as they will need the preparation, however, if your family isn’t homophobic (e.g. you have an “out“ older sibling) you could be leading the way with this. But this is what we should do as a community to progress over time into no longer be excluded by heteronormativity, this is a goal, a check point of achievement, a step towards equality when we are finally freed from “coming out”.

So why is it oppressive? Well let’s begin, we all know of the “coming out” scenario, family (usually parents only) sat down in front of an individual “in the closet” (usually but not always a quite uncomfortable teenager) to confess to their parents that they are a part of the LGBTQIA family too. This is usually now days (though not always) followed by acceptance which is then followed by “your cousins gay” “I had a gay work college, Daniel, you remember him?” or “I always knew”. The moment your mother becomes the biggest fag hag you never knew and your dad attempts revive your masculinity (even though its either gone no where or never existed) by giving you a pat on the back and going to discuss it in the pub over a pint. Not that any of this is bad and it is not the reason why not to “come out” and in fact its quite nice, a form of relief, god knows it was for me and I loved having a pint of Guinness with my dad while he reaffirms that he “doesn’t care who I fuck”, although there was still the un spoken rule that I’d be turned away at the door if I ever came home with a West Bromwich fan.

But here comes the oppressive part, if I was heterosexual would I have to do any of that? The answer doesn’t even need to be said. So why then must I if I am not heterosexual? It’s the sad reality that anything that isn’t heterosexual is the “other” it is different and must be identified. 

You are expected to be heterosexual until you say otherwise, “literally until you “come out”. The very act of “coming out” it a transition of being normal to being the “other”. Many of you will experience the on running joke of being asked “are you gay?” over and over or people opening doors and asking “if your ready to come out yet?”, do me a favor, be better then me, don’t let the audience get their show and “come out”. Now that doesn’t mean I’m saying don’t “come out” to spite others, what I am saying is, until we lose “coming out” and the “closet” as “terms of identity our sexuality or gender”, we reaffirm ourselves the notion of being “the other”.

This may seem difficult and it is, but we need to start as a community normalizing the fact that we shouldn’t be “coming out” and that you must “come out the closet”, because it prevents the idea that homosexuality should be expected, it reinforces heteronormativity, that unless you’ve come out and showed yourself, you’re in the dark, “it prevents the idea that everyone could be and is queer”, that everyone has the ability to be more then their assigned sexuality. By “coming out” you are from then on expected to be “gay” in every sense of the word, and by not you are expected to be “straight” and anything “gay” you do was a “drunken kiss” or “experimenting”, by abolishing “coming out” we increase the ability of sexual fluidity and reduce the influence of sexual binaries and sexual categories (which to eventually should be abolished). But you can be gay without “coming out”, for those who are already gay think of all your friends who know, without you ever really needing to “come out”.

So in short by “coming out” we are actually putting ourselves in “the closet”. So don’t come out, just be who you are. 

*I use gay for myself but please replace it with what ever term is appropriate to you

If you want to read more of my articles please go to: 

https://amilitanthomosexual.wordpress.com

Or follow me on twitter @rhyskhart

What advice would you give on coming out?

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Last updated on 24th December 2016

Coming out can be hard to do, so I asked everyone what advice would they give to someone? 

@WilRidley

You’re are never alone and it will get better also come out when YOU are ready.

@Fluent_in_Bitch

Make sure you’re ready and prepared for a negative outcome. But stand proud of who you are. You are beautiful.
@gail_mcpartland 

Be patient with others. It probably took you a while to accept it so it will probably be the same for others. Plenty of support out there. 

@_JuLiAiLuJ
If you are underage and you think your parents are gonna react badly, don’t do it unless u got a backup plan.

@BaileyMagno 

No matter what you’ll always wish you did it sooner.

@txgirl1963

Be strong in your truth . Stay true to yourself , others opinions don’t define you . Love yourself always

@NikkiSamuel

You had time to accept and love who you are, sometimes you have to let others take a little time. That was my experience.

@_JuLiAiLuJ

B sure-B brave-Find support-Practice your speech-Don’t have expectations-Educate yourself 2 answer ?’s or refute lies.

@rbcook1304 

 Be yourself. Never let what others do or say change you. Seek support from local lgbtq groups. Remember, you are not alone.

@Anni_McCarthy

It’s critical to be & defend yourself.They moved on me in the US Army in the 70s & I fought them & won.

@garypgarrett

Don’t be afraid to be yourself and own it with pride.

@eurigmorgan 

Be careful who you tell. I have a friend who, every time he tells someone, it’s one friend lost.
@opinion8tdbitch

Breathing and living is so much easier outside of the closet. I did it 6yrs ago and don’t regret it. You can do it too! 

@KrabbyPatty0001

You have to be confident, and “own” it, be comfortable and calm/clear headed, dont panic,and be brave.

@realitypotatoes 
What’s most important to the people who truly love you is your happiness. Being true to yourself leads you to happiness

@MissionCheckL

Its not the end but a beautiful beginning

@DJTBD

There is no pause or rewind button in life, every moment u wait ur missing out on experiences you can’t get back

@Woobies00

Love yourself because you deserve it.

@KansasCityLGBT 

Be true to yourself. Even when the going gets tough, and it will.

@DavidLloydRadio

Who you are matters much more to you than to anyone else. Be yourself.

@pflagperth
Tell your parents to contact PFLAG, all welcome! We love & cherish our rainbow kids & exist to support their family

@youngsaki

Make sure you have someone or some people who have your back

@matoli69

Be!, Be yourself, Be happy,  Be proud and live, live, live.

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@xbatuu
It gets better, never give up.

@MoldTheMinds
Start small, with your inner circle first, then work your way out-or do like I did and tell the whole world at once.

@A_CreativeEdge
Come out in your own time. And, if you suspect birth family will reject you, make sure your chosen family is solid.

@SimonHeadley1
Don’t be pressured into doing it, do it when you feel ready and not before. 
@iwritetragedies
It will be hard and maybe even painful, but in the end you’ll feel lighter, you’ll feel free.

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@datIuis
Make sure you’re safe. Take your time. Don’t be ashamed. Don’t let others undermine you.

@roygaybiv
wait until you’re ready! don’t be pressured into it. it’s your life, you’ll know when❤️

@rosahayes
Nothing is ever as it seems. Trust your instincts. Embrace the freedom to be yourself.

@TheKalamazooGay
Don’t just leave porn open on the computer. That usually doesn’t go over very well

@OrmondDerrick
Never be ashamed of who you are, be sure you’re ready & are individually stable before telling those you depend on

@talesovertails
The world is ready and waiting to love the real you. Be safe, but have fun.

@CaseyHester1500
Just take your time, and understand that some people don’t get it. If anything you are teaching people how to accept.

@ThisIsBeverly

First of all… Know that you actually know who and what you are. Live your life and not a stereotype imposed on you.

@jimthevic

Coming out first to an #LGBTQI* person for advice & establish support networks. Then at YOUR pace to people you trust.
Know that coming out never ends! You have to decide who needs to know what in any given social group or relationship.

@Aunty_Vicki

Be ready & strong; prepare for the worst while hoping for the best; be ready for the stream of questions & have answers.

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@madavis323

Do it in your own time; in your own way. Despite how cliche it sounds – it does get better from even the best of circumstances.

Coming out is hard to do, but then your truth shall set you free #LoveIsLove

@pppabblo

Do it when YOU are ready. Stay safe. Take care. Trust that it DOES get better. Love yourself and be proud of who you are!

@tomhammell

You matter and you’re loved. And you don’t need anyone in your life who tells you otherwise.

@_M_pulse

Remember that everyday is a coming out process and that you’re always growing but remember you are enough and loved.

@brokeslut

Only come out when YOU are ready. If you feel unsafe, do not let anyone rush you. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

@coffee_Lezzy

If you might be to scared to say it to someone there are other ways to them text, letter, etc

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@MotorizedMillie 
Never be ashamed to live in and speak your own truth

@DCHomos

Make sure it’s on your own terms. Make sure you’re ready. Don’t be afraid. You are not alone.

Wear sunscreen.

Which prompted @2B_Painfree to say

Always wear sunscreen…try #bluelizard bottle changes color 😉

@BatCaveFreak

Tell friends first. You should have a support system before you tell your parents just in case something goes wrong.

@gaywad5000
coming out will show you who your true friends are.

@GeekNStereo

Make sure you have someone who is supportive, on standby to call if you need to decompress and breathe

@JudsonK217

Don’t ever be ashamed of being yourself, be proud.

@slothsrights
If you can’t bring yourself to say what you need in person, consider writing a letter.

@FiendNikki adds

Or a video.

@TMatthews__ 

Be safe, and be unapologetic. You’re braver than you think. And the freeing feeling after is like no feeling in the world.

@briangilad

Be kind/conscious/patient w/U! Ask when/who is 2B 1st Hope for the best/prepare for not! Took U time/They may need 2

And the final tweet…… 

@jayjhisaurus

Tell your wife first.

If you want your advise adding to this series, please contact me on @Mattersofpride or at pridematters1@gmail.com

A big thank you for everyone taking part.

Remember be the best YOU that YOU can be!

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Extra information. 

Here are Wipe out Homophobia’s pages on advice for families and lgbtqia persons. 

http://www.stop-homophobia.com/comingout.htm

http://www.stop-homophobia.com/my-coming-out

The above are also available in Spanish. 

http://wp.me/p78BZ8-15E

There is plenty of support out there for parents too. 

Pflag groups are global. Here are a few of countries groups websites. 

UK – http://www.pflag.co.uk/

Canada – http://pflagcanada.ca/

USA – https://www.pflag.org/

Australia -http://pflagaustralia.org.au/

If you would like your countries pflag group adding please contact us with the details.



We are constantly updating these pages with more information, please keep checking and advising. 


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