Bullying : Understanding the long term effects. 

By @pridematters1

A message for all to understand about the effects of bullying!

​From someone who has experienced bullying  first hand, being bullied is an experience that doesn’t go away that quickly. It marks you for years to follow. Some things will stay with the victim forever.
A friend of mine spoke to me at the beginning of February,  about their experience of being bullied and as a young adult who left school in 2009, ran into his bully in a pub over the weekend prior.
The bully went over to him and they began polite conversation. They didn’t apologise at all and used the term ‘water under the bridge’.

It’s a horrible term especially when you’ve spent the last eight years learning how to float.

If you was the bully, not many victims will want anything more than closure. Go over to them and apologise, it will help the healing, trust me.
One of my bullies actually said to me ‘gawd that’s xx years ago, get over it! “…… 

You may be over it but your victims have been through hell!

Don’t say we were kids or things were different back then.

These are pathetic excuses.

You did it! Period. Be more compassionate when you have to face it.
That conversation was when I was in my mid 20s and it didn’t help the healing, I still believed then,that the bullying was my fault.

I never told my parents how severe it was. It’s something I do recommend if you are being bullied. One person can not face abuse alone.
Between 1981 and 1986 I had to face my bullies several times a day. One teacher actually gave me extra home work due to one of my bullies holding me over the stairway at school and all he saw was me messing about, that teacher refused to listen. Another sat and laughed while one of my major bullies invented a nick name I constantly heard a good twenty times a day, from that moment on and for years to come. 

That wasn’t the worst and it didn’t stop at the school gates.
When I broke my leg in 2011, I was on Facebook for a lot another bully message me.

She was compassionate and she had learnt and it all began,  the healing process after two decades had finally started. The pain began to go. The hurt and anger lessened. Trust me on this it really helps to hear how they have learnt from it and moved forward and it helped me to move on.

I refuse to play the victim and now I refuse to feel the guilt I once did. 

Simply face up to the fact that even though you was a child, you hurt someone who probably carried that round for years.

If you did bully someone remember….. 

It’s not about you but them! 

As for my friend, he has a long journey ahead of him but he will get there, talking to him and someone else recently made me see how much I have healed. That’s down to ME no one else.

Is it time that we all faced up to our responsibilities?

I placed the above a while back on my private account, which I received many replies from people who I went to school with. Many of them wish they did more to stand up for me. Others had been bullied themselves too. My experience was unique to me, just like those where to them. I mentioned to one person that I actually believed there was a dictionary of sorts with all the evil nick names I had.

It wasn’t because I was gay, because I was still discovering who I was and it most certainly didn’t effect my sexuality, that is built into you like a default. The name calling followed me around, even the many passive bullies called me these names in the street. I couldn’t get away from it. I never found comfort. Untill the school broke up for summer, then it came and went. 

Years on I am a completely different person, stronger and confident, with a unique understanding others, something I’m proud of. 

This is the view of the author and may or may not be the view of Pride matters or any other authors. 

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